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Battling for motivation

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I’m a little burned out today. Actually the last few days. I think I’ve gotten to the point in the winter where all the snow and cold is really starting to affect my mood. I really want the weather to warm up and I really want to run outside.

I got shoe #4 today. Asics this time. We’ll see.

To be completely honest, I am not sure at this point what to do about team in training. My donations are not coming in like I thought they would. I have to send in my recommitment papers next week. Once I do that I’m locked in. I’m raising $3,800 even if that means I have to pay it myself. I realize I have 10 weeks until the ultimate deadline.

I guess I am sure what I’m doing. It would be such a disappointment to me and to those who donate for me to quit. Doug does point out that I can train for a marathon without raising money, but I AM committed to this. I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m working on some fundraising ideas and letters to send out. I need to have faith that this will all work out.

Its just been a funky couple of days I think. My nervousness about fundraising, my shoe troubles, and my anxiety after hearing about my teammate who died… just have made for a trying week.

I never wrote about that here. Some may have heard the news that a man died after completing the Little Rock Marathon on Sunday. He was actually raising money and going to the same marathon as me in San Diego. I never actually met him, but he was my teammate.

It really freaked me out being reminded that healthy athletic people can die while engaging in their sport. And it probably freaks me out more than most because I had a cousin die of a sudden heart problem a few years ago… one that I believe was genetic, but not preventable or even detectible before it took her life.

There won’t be a full autopsy for awhile, but I read in a news report that a ER doctor told his mom the death was like a potassium buildup that paralyzed his heart and muscles. Adrenaline kept him running but when he stopped, everything stopped. The story said this could have been caused by potassium supplements or salt substitutes.

I suppose that has eased my fears a little bit. I only take a multivitamin. But I am planning on getting a sports physical soon. I’ve never had a sports physical because I’ve never been involved in sports before!

So I am just trying the best I can to get through these tough few days and hope they get better. But I’m not sure they will because I think I’m coming down with something. I’m feeling congested and my throat scratchy and I’m tired… I haven’ t had my yearly upper-respiratory infection yet. So I suppose I’m due. I just hate to think about what it will do to my training!

Long blog today, but I have a lot on my mind. Hopefully tomorrow at least one of my problems will be fixed after I run in my fourth pair of shoes. Wish me luck!


Author: Jessica

I am a running working mama. We work hard and play hard and I have a lot to share along the way.

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