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Heartbroken

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I am heartbroken tonight that I am again forced to take some time off from running because of another possible injury.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My inexperience is really putting me at a disadvantage here. I’m stuck riding a wave of frustration and self doubt.

After my eight-mile run yesterday my right foot hurt. I didn’t really think much of it until I notice this morning that it still hurt. I thought it was general foot pain. But when I had my shoes off I noticed it was concentrated in the center of the ball of my foot. And it was a bump, swollen too.

So I asked about it on the runner’s world community and several people said it sounded like something called neuroma. So I looked up neuroma and it sure does seem like thats what I have.

A neuroma is “a thickening of nerve tissue that may develop in various parts of the body,” according to http://www.footphysicians.com. The article goes on to say that the most common is called “Morton’s neuroma,” which occurs at the base of the third and fourth toes. Caused by compression or irritation of the nerve.

Great. Just what I wanted to hear.

I’ve been talking about going to see a sports doc at some point to learn how to manage my achilles issues. Well, thats a much more urgent need now. The neuroma, like the achilles, isn’t bad at first, but could eventually cause permanent nerve damage.

What else can go wrong? In addition to that and my achilles, I’ve been concerned about my ankles. They’ve had a general soreness, caused by a combination of scar tissue from past injuries and my efforts to stretch my achilles. My shin splints also have been making themselves known and I felt some pressue in my IT bands yesterday, but that went away and I’m hoping its just because I didn’t have time to stretch well enough.

I am sure my shoes are to blame. It took me so long to find the right pair. But I’m guessing the right pair wasn’t right after all. They seem to have worn out really fast. And I’m sure it was the quick wearing out that caused my achilles issues and the likely neuroma. I’ve only run no more than 150 miles in these shoes, barely had them a month. The normal wear for running shoes is 300 to 500 miles from what I’ve read.

So my mission for tomorrow is to get into a sports medicine clinic somewhere in the next week. I’m really hoping there won’t be a huge wait for an appointment. I’m thinking I need to take some serious time off until this problem is officially diagnosed and treatment started. And I’d like to minimize the time off, for obvious reasons! My other mission is to go back to the shoe store and see if there’s any chance they’ll exchange my very worn pair since they wore so prematurely. If they won’t, then I need to figure out where to get the money to pay for another pair of shoes.

I have had so many emotions rolling through my head tonight. I actually had a hard time putting them aside enough to get my work done. Just being here with my head and all the crazy things that go through it is not good. I emailed my TNT coach and a couple of the mentors and what they’ve said has made me feel better, but I’m still a prisoner of my thoughts.

It really has taken some effort to not just start crying in the middle of the office. And its so silly because everyone is telling me, and I do know, that this isn’t THAT bad. Its not like I’m going to be told I can’t run anymore. I just need to change something, probably my shoes. It could be way worse. But my head doesn’t care about that.

In other news, the scratchy throat that started yesterday is still with me today. I even slept in and skipped my spin class in hopes some extra sleep would make it go away. I’ll do the same tomorrow. I am really hoping I won’t be sick for my best friend’s bachelorette party this weekend!

This is so depressing. And I really wanted to write about my latest weight loss milestone tonight. But that will have to wait until tomorrow.

I’m even starting to wonder if I need to drop back to the half marathon instead of the full. But I know I need to wait until I see a doctor for that. Unfortunately, if I miss too much training, I will have to settle for the half. Lori, our chapter director, told me before recommitment that even after recommitment, I could drop back to the half if I felt I needed to. I hope I don’t have to ask her if that was true.

So for now I’m trying to look on the bright side. Here’s one bright side: I didn’t have a whole lot of time tomorrow anyway. So hey, at least now I don’t have to run for four hours on the treadmill. Another bright side: I’ve been wanting to swim. So now here’s the perfect reason to do so.

I’m not very good at finding bright sides though, so I may need a little help.

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Author: Jessica

I am a running working mama. We work hard and play hard and I have a lot to share along the way.

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