After a crazy weekend, I had a day off Monday in which I didn’t do much of anything. While it was somewhat relaxing, unfortunately I was alone with my thoughts, and not doing anything to keep my mind from wandering to those thoughts. The ones that tell me I’m a failure and I bit off more than I could chew.
Injury news, my foot continued to hurt through Sunday morning, and has been off and on since. When the pain goes away, I want to run! So in that respect I kind of wish it hurt all the time.
I did confirm what I already knew though. After Doug got home from work today we went out for a walk with the dog around the neighborhood and my foot hurts a bit just from that. So at this point, even once I get my new shoes, running would still not be a good idea.
The thing that stinks is the more I think about this, the more I wonder if I should just switch to the half marathon, regardless of if I can start running again this weekend. I really don’t think my running again will be instantaneous anyway. If I do have a neuroma, the treatment is basically trial and error, starting with the more conservative options. What are the odds the first thing tried will work on me, considering I think this is a bit farther along than I initially thought?
But even if I can run this weekend, I’ve tweaked my achilles tendons as well as my ankles, and now I have a possible neuroma. Should I continue to put myself in the position of being vulnerable to more injury? Thats not going to do me any good.
I know I shouldn’t be disappointed in myself. I know a half marathon is still a great accomplishment. But I am disappointed. That this idea is even in my head is a disappointment. I don’t want to give up, but as several people have reminded me, running is lifelong. Its more than this one race. I can run the half marathon and then do a full later.
I keep telling myself that, but its not helping. I just really hope I can run at all. The one positive I have thought of if I end up going with the half, is I can walk the half, and thus still participate. Because money has already been spent, by Doug and I and by the LLS on my behalf. And money has been spent by everyone who donated so I could do this in the first place! I’m going on this trip. And I’m going to participate in some way or another.
So these are the thoughts rolling in my head of late. While I thought I had a positive outlook last weekend, I’m finding I only have the positive outlook when my mind is otherwise occupied.
Sorry, but I am being honest here. No reason for me to blog if I’m not going to be honest.
In other news, I officially have 51 percent of my goal raised. Halfway there!! Its about time. I wish I could have reached this point a few weeks ago, but better late than never!
The fundraising deadline is five weeks from this Wednesday. But I’m not that concerned about it because I have contacted a lot of people, and they’re coming through. I’m also involved in two fundraisers other than my garage sale in the beginning of May so that should pick up the last few bucks if they’re needed. But I think my momentum has definitely shifted. I know I can do this!
My next projects are catching up on thank you notes and organizing this garage sale. I’m realizing I have no idea how to organize a garage sale. Thus, it has been moved from this weekend when it was originally planned. Its now May 2-3. Its the weekend of the neighborhood garage sale so hopefully there will be more customers that weekend anyway. I just need to figure out how to host a garage sale, in addition to organizing it. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Maybe working on this will keep my mind from its doubting ways.